Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Dear reader, my apologies for keeping you hanging for the weeks between my last post and now. Fortunately, Yale's spring break has meant more time in NYC and less here in front of my computer. But fear not, I haven't been lounging around during this recess. No, sir. I'm so, so close to getting the hack license. Let's recap:

Get NY chauffeur's License:
Done! A mere four hours at the Yonkers DMV saw me emerge with a spanking new interim license (they'll mail me my real one soon). I was a bit nervous about the whole affair seeing as how I don't actually live in that state, but no need! Friends, I'm here to tell you that as long as you have a pal to check the mail, you too can get a NY license! One note of warning. Don't forge the forms. When I walked up to my last station, the heavy-set Asian chappy was talking with his neighbor about the poor quality of forged signature he had just rejected. Seemed more disappointed than anything else.

Take a Six Hour Driver's Safety Course:
Done! This was a long six hours, dear reader. Fortunately, like most (all) classes of this sort, we discussed rather little that one could consider relevant to this topic. We did discuss the instructor's army reserve service (in Saudi Arabia, Panama, Japan, et al.) and the numerous pet peeves of the Hispanic woman sitting in front of me. My favorite of her outbursts was her whining plaint: "Wiiilleee, I no like airbags." Madam, neither do I. I shouldn't kid, I did learn a few interesting things. Did you know you can check the performance of your rear break pads based on the stiffness of your emergency break? I also learned that we should always go to court to fight our tickets. Indeed, the only handout he gave us was a Daily News story about the statistical likelihood that your ticket will be thrown out. An interesting side note, everyone there was attending to take points off their licenses. When our instructor began the course he alluded to this fact, but went on, "but maybe some of you, like Knight, are here because a judge told you to come." I was, as you can guess, flabbergasted by this assumption and I piped up to defend myself. Nothing could quite shake the feeling he had that I was here because of a recent accident or ticket. The class also watched some amusing industry sponsored videos about safety. The one produced by GM included this kiss-off: "Car safety isn't the problem. The problem is the people who drive the cars." Also, old cautious ladies, listen up! You all should "learn to be more assertive in merging" according to another vid. One last point that I won't dwell on. This class was one of my first entrees into the world of inter-immigrant relations. More on that later.

Prove That I Don't Own Child Support:
Done! Almost. But can't quite divine why this would be necessary to apply for a hack license.

Get Checked Out by a Fake Doc:
Check! But wait, this one's a real pain in the ass. A few months ago, I phone my pediatrician (still my physician) to get him to sign the form, but the precise bastard dated the form July 5, 2004! I guess this was the last time I saw him, but still, a rude surprise. My next point of contact was Sadie's Dad's cousin, who cheerily agreed to sign off on the form. But we're still not out of the woods. The form requires a "Official Physician's Stamp" something which, according to this doc, hasn't been used since the Eisenhower administration [ok, ed., has anyone else noticed the use of the Eisenhower administration as a byword for humorously antiquated? No one makes a joke about the Truman administration, do they?]. He'll attach a blank prescription form, so hopefully that'll do.

What does that all mean, dear reader? It means that later this week I'll be cruising up to Queens to actually apply for the hack license! So close! So close!


Blogger Bernardo de Balbuena said...

This is al; very exciting. Though I was hoping you would learn more at the drivining course.

9:46 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

I'm hanging on the edge of my seat.

6:24 AM  

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