Friday, April 21, 2006

Progress

Dear reader, I'm sure you've gotten the impression that I had given up on my dream. Fear not! Finally, I have real, taxi-related news to report to you all!

This week which started so poorly (drugged out cunts ruining my Wolf Parade show) steadily improved day by day. At long last my New York license arrived featuring a sick-inducing design that prevents anyone from looking it dead on for more than a few seconds. With this in hand, I returned to Long Island City and the TLC licensing bureau. My last visit to this office concluded with my getting booted out the door, but I did secure a free pass to butt ahead in line. With that, I waited only a few minutes before breezing through the process with the same Asian woman who had rejected me last time. A fingerprinting session and mug shot later, and I was out of there officially on my way to hacking! It was all so easy, so anti-climactic after the weeks of torporific agony.

The only color from the day was provided in the drug test office, a few blocks away from the TLC. As I walked towards Labcorp, I got to pass by the Queens correctional facility. I suppose Friday around 11 is when perps get to walk free because there were several BMWs, Mercedes and other expensive cars emitting booming bass sounds lined up in front of the exit. By the time I made my return trip, they were gone, newly released ex-con, I can only assume, safely in the back seat. At the drug testing facility, I was served by a middle-aged Indian chap whose ire was raised by the license I produced. I have a numeral at the end of my name, traditionally rendered: IV. The chubby Asian guy who served me at the Yonkers DMV, instead rendered this as: IIII. I told him this was the Medieval fashion, he didn't seem to know he had made a faux pas. This story set off the Indian guy. "Fucking asshole," he muttered. "He's not living in the fucking Middle Ages. And he's a stupid moron and gets a job with the city. My English no good, and I no get job with the city. These assholes serve three people an hour, and they keep their jobs." Ha ha ha, I responded. Where's the bathroom? "Follow the smell," he said. Since this lab is the only one where you can get drug tested for the TLC, I imagine his whole damn job is pouring cab drivers' urine from a cup into a vial. I can understand his anger towards the municipal workers.

Tomorrow, I return to LIC for day one of my three day, 24 hour Taxi School. Will report on that later.